Life

I've reached the age where my brain says 'you probably shouldn't say that' and my mouth says 'challenge accepted.'

Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

People say 'go big or go home' as if going home isn't the clearly superior option.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm not antisocial. I'm selectively social. There's a difference. A beautiful, quiet difference.

Smile While You Still Have Teeth

Technically, we're all just skeletons wearing a meat costume. Enjoy your day.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

I don't have a short attention span, I just — oh look, a squirrel!

Kick Rocks

God Made Grass Man Made Booze, Who Do You Trust

I Fucked Up, Apologies

For Shits And Giggles

I Saw That

Geese Louise

You Did It You Old Bitch